Soft, Quiet and Helpless.

If I could put words to feeling today,
my words would be angry and hot,
spilling hurt and hatred.
Spewing venom.
Spilling tears.
Wallowing in suffering.
If I could sing a song to my feelings today,
it would flow loud and angry,
the notes harsh and scathing
and then mellow into a wail and then a whimper.
Soft, and quiet, and helpless.
And, if I could speak my feelings out today,
I wouldn’t know what to say.
Forgive me, perhaps.
Forgive me for the anger,
forgive me for showing you my hurt.
And, forgive me for loving you.
 I want so much to say goodbye,
and I want so much for you to say stay.
I want so much to put my hand in yours tonight,
and cry tears through the hot summer night.
And, I want so much to wake up,
your hand still in mine,
no memories of last night.
No memories of yesterday,
and the day before, and the day before.
Just a sweet song escaping my lips,
happiness setting them into a smile,
a warm, unhungry silence.
And, your hand in mine.


*** 04/10/09

What I am to you is not real

I’ve been thinking for hours and hours

then the hours turned into days,

and the days into weeks.

I kissed you and you just stood there passively,

barely moving, not a sound or even a breath.

You say that you feel warm when you think about me,

but why, why oh why are you colder than ice right now?

You are like icy drops of rain from my sunny sky,

that continues to pour over my parade.

Are all my assumptions just lay there prematurely in the surface?

or there’s really nothing to ponder about us and what lies in our future?

Is it even our future?

or just mine alone?

Lyrically Drained

I could write about the warm sunset, and how it can give us serenity.
I can write about nature and all the beauty it possess.
or I can tell you everything about love and pain and everything in between,
but I can't seem to put everything in place,
my mind is empty.
I can think about the bright blue sky and the optimism it gives.
or think about the dolphins and how they freely swim.
maybe I can just look back and make a tell-tale about the past and memories uncovered,
but that would be too much for my mind to ponder,
and who cares anyway so it doesn't seem to matter.
maybe some things are better left unsaid,
but isn't it best to share how you see things with your eyes, and let everyone get a taste of it?
I want to eradicate all of my emotions from my insides,
and turn them into words,
but my words went on a vacation,
and they didn't take me with them.




*** Originally posted on (I can't remember the date and too lazy to check it out on my tumblr account. LOL)

Eternity Defined.

Listen, the wind has finally set in
cool summer breeze brushed along the lines of our faces
i touched yours and you return the gesture
how long has it been since you said your first hello?
since i last waved goodbye at you?
the memories seem to fade
but they are encrypted well at the back of our memory
will you ever get tired of me?
or boredom ceases to exist from the both of us?
i inhaled fresh lilacs from the garden of our lovenest
will the flowers wither in time?
will you plant again and flourish them when it happens?
will you still be there to water them when the next summer's drought come?
will you be rocking my chair while i am looking at little  angels picking stars from the pavement?...üä

at the top of my lungs

Do you ever scream
at the top of your lungs
until your throat feels like it will burst
from the effort?
Not because you're pissed off,
but because you want to?
I do that all the time.
It's a well-needed release of
strange feelings i wouldn't be able
to express otherwise.
Better, and less dramatic
than watching tears fall,
or blood flow.
No one wants to be seen
as crazy.
So we must be careful to
cover our tracks, make sure we leave
nothing behind.
I scream when no one's around
because screaming is less crazy than
sharp blades, or red hot metal,
but it is still
crazy
nonetheless....üä

malilimot ka ba?

Kung sa bawat pagbaha ng ulang gustong lumunod sa aking kabuuhan at mapanghamong hangin na humahampas sa kalamnan ikaw ang gustong kaagapay?
.
Malilimot ka ba?
Kung sa bawat pagdalaw ng panglaw sa aking sistema sa gitna man ng pag alalay ng mga kasama'y inasam pa ring katabi ka?
.
Malilimot ka ba?
Kung sa bawat ngiti ng umaga, sa pagluha ng dapithapon at paghihimagsik ng bukangliwayway inasam kong kasama ka?
.
Malilimot ka ba?
Kung sa bawat minuto ng aking pag-iral, sa bawat segundo ng paglaban at pagkabuwal- sa lahat ng panahon ikaw lang ang tanging sandalan.
.
Hindi ka nalimot kahit isang saglit.

..repentance...

i remembered
i delivered
i suffered

shadow of the d0ubt crawls in
and trust ceases to exist
does the uncertainty inside grows?

m0tionless
i sat there without any s0und

i c0nceded
i ap0logized
i was ign0red

tears
silent s0bs
wailed and m0aned

i w0ke up
i waited
i said my piece

it's y0ur tUrn
y0u misunderst0od
y0ur timer started

i need time
i am incapable
i turned a cheek

c0ld as an iceburg
hard as a granite
a mixture of b0th
insensitivity is b0rn

i was b0rn
i am c0ld
i am distant
i am insensitive

just because

i remembered
then dElivered
s0 i sufFered

we sufFered...üä

..restless..

a scintillating idea came into my mind

points of despair arisen

a bad judgment for a f0e

a lack of courage behind the rectangular hindrance

a thin sheEt of barrier in between

thickening every sec0nd that passes by

a driving need to cleanse her being

she uttered a w0rd
then i manage to smile...üä