..cravings of the flesh..

I've got a new secret every day; they are not all terrible. They are like my little monsters. I feed them by letting them live inside of me. Some of them grow, some of them starve and vanish. Some of them I cherish; like a sweet and special gift that nobody knows, which therefore, of course, makes it all the more sweet and special. I can feel these hidden between the bones of my spine, in my neck and shoulders, in my arms, and between my fingers. On some rare days, when I am feeling unfrightened and adventurous, I tell rogue or kristine and even pierre one of these. They never judge me; only, smile or chuckle, and shake their wondering heads at me. Other secrets I would describe more as suffocating. There are very few of them, though it feels often as though there are more because of the tremendous gravity of the weight they put in my pockets and knees. This is where they hide. I compare them to shackles and gags. They have an ability to make me mute for a while. Even more rarely, do I ever have the courage to say a thing about any of these. These are the kinds of secrets that make your heart twist up uncomfortably, and make you harden your face so that no emotion sneaks past. The ones we should tell, but never will, of course. And these secrets install fear. And this fear demolishes good things...üä